


Heart's Already Sinned

by almosthuman_butnotquite



Series: Jet Rush [3]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 3
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-06-03 20:02:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6624289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/almosthuman_butnotquite/pseuds/almosthuman_butnotquite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thatchery knew what he wanted. It was a shame that Freddie didn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Only Blue or Black Days

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is going to be a chaptered thing between Thatchery and Freddie, because I've had someone ask about these two. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> This chapter is really short too.

Thatchery woke up late. Fuck, he missed class. He rolled over and closed his eyes again. Fuck it. He wasn't going to walk into a lesson that Brotch had already half finished. He was going back to sleep.

The door to his bedroom opened and he smelled the sharp odor of tobacco. It wasn't Butch; asshole was probably vandalizing shit with the other Snakes, so that meant it was Freddie. It wasn't a surprise, anyway. He'd spent the night in Thatchery's bed.

"Hey, I thought Teacher's Pets didn't miss class?"

"Fight me," he muttered.

Freddie sat on the bed behind him and pulled the ashtray that was tucked away from between the bed and the nightstand. "I never thought you'd stay in bed all day."

"Dude, I stayed up too late making sure you didn't choke on your own vomit." He turned to look at Freddie, watched him flick ash into the glass bowl. "You going to share that or make me get up for my own?"

Freddie handed it over without even a noise of annoyance. They'd been doing this for so long that they shared cigarettes and beers and beds without even being annoyed by the other. But they never had sex. Thatchery never asked for it and Freddie never pushed for it. They were content with this, with sharing things and sleeping in the same bed. But Thatchery wasn't sure how long it would last. Freddie was antsy about joining the Tunnel Snakes, and Thatchery knew that this would end the moment he found an opportunity.

"You didn't go to class either," he said.

"I know."

Thatchery shifted and made himself comfortable on his back. He handed the cigarette back when Freddie held his hand out. "Why not?"

"Butch is there."

Butch had given Freddie a split lip yesterday afternoon and called him Freddie the Freak, just like all the others did. Thatchery reached forward to gently squeeze Freddie's wrist. Freddie didn't shrug him off, but he didn't say anything either.

"He's an asshole, I know. But what are you going to do?"

"I just wish he wouldn't call me that."

Thatchery sighed and let his hand slide down to find Freddie's fingers. There was nothing he could say to comfort Freddie. So they sat in silence, passing the cigarette between themselves until it burned down to the filter.


	2. Undecided Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a while before Freddie was in his room again. It was late; he was asleep, his father was asleep, the whole vault was asleep. The whole vault except for Freddie, anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At least the chapters are getting longer, idk.

It was a while before Freddie was in his room again. It was late; he was asleep, his father was asleep, the whole vault was asleep. The whole vault except for Freddie, anyways.

Thatchery woke up when the door slid open. He was always a light sleeper. Sometimes even the hum of the climate control system whirring to life woke him. Standing there in the doorway, he could just make out the silhouette of someone. He sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"Dad?" he asked.

"No," Freddie said softly as he closed the door. Thatchery could hear a zipper being pulled down and boots being kicked off. The Pip-Boy was next, set down on the bedside table beside Thatchery's. A near-naked Freddie crawled into the bed beside him and pressed his face against Thatchery's shoulder. "Sorry," he whispered.

"For what?"

"Waking you up."

 _You should be sorry for only coming here when you want to,_ Thatchery thought. "It's whatever."

They didn't say anything else. Freddie fell asleep first, apparently calmed by Thatchery's being there, held in his arms. Thatchery didn't fall asleep so easily.

He was angry and more than a little hurt. Why did Freddie only come to him when he wanted to? A relationship took two people to cooperate together to make it work, not one asshole who was unsure of what he wanted and another asshole who knew exactly what he wanted. They weren't cooperating and Thatchery was so frustrated.

He finally fell asleep maybe an hour later, but it wasn't as nice as it was before Freddie showed up.  


* * *

Freddie was still there when Thatchery woke up the next morning. He was awake, just barely, his fingers tracing patterns into Thatchery's bare shoulder. Thatchery blinked up at the ceiling, with its steely-gray color and thirty-seven bolts that ran in an L-shape in the corner near the door. He didn't think Freddie would still be there when he woke.

Why did he stay?

"Morning," Freddie murmured.

"Morning."

"Sorry I came so late."

Thatchery sighed softly, just a puff of air through his teeth. "It's fine."

Freddie didn't seem to notice his tone. If he did, at least he didn't mention the bite in it. And apparently he wasn't getting up yet. Thatchery hardly refrained from sighing loudly. It was a Saturday and even though they didn't have class, there was a test on Monday in mathematics that Thatchery wanted to study for. He didn't like cramming the night before a test. He never got sleep that way.

"I get it if you're mad."

"Who said I was mad?"

Freddie grabbed his hand from where it had clenched in the bedsheets of its own accord. He gently opened Thatchery's fingers and laced them between his. "Your hands are shaking, Thatchery."

So maybe he was mad. But this was getting ridiculous. Why did they continue this? Did Freddie even still want this, or did he only not want to be alone?

Freddie kissed Thatchery's jaw and sat up. "Do you wanna go get breakfast?"

Okay, maybe he wasn't _that_ mad.

"Sure."

They dressed together in silence. Their undershirts were pulled on first then their jumpsuits, zipped up to their chests. Thatchery shoved his boots on and waited patiently for Freddie to lace his boots up. He wasn't going to tie up the laces of his own. He just wanted to go get food.

"You're not going to tie them?" Freddie asked, frowning at them as if he could make them tie themselves.

Thatchery shoved his hands into his pockets. "Nah."

Freddie sighed and finished tying his. He slid to his knees on the floor, pulling one of Thatchery's feet up into his lap. He tied the boot up, tugged the laces tight and tied the bow twice. Thatchery switched his feet and Freddie tied the other one up the same way.

"Now that asshole won't trip you in the hall."

Thatchery snorted. "You nerd."

Freddie rolled his eyes and he stood up. They fastened their own Pip-Boys into place on their left wrists and let them attach to vital signs. Thatchery stopped him for a moment. Even if he was mad, even if it wasn't clear what their relationship was, he still liked kissing Freddie. And Freddie still kissed him back, so they had to be doing something right.


	3. Just A Little Ol' Little Bit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The clinic was so boring. Thatchery hated when he got assigned to work there. He just couldn't wait to take the G.O.A.T. next month so that maybe he could get away from there forever. Well, at least so he only had to go in for his yearly checkups.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey nerds. Guess who's worried about finals? This gal!
> 
> But hey, what gal can be worried when writing about her babies? Certainly not this one! This is seriously one way I relax a little bit, y'know?

The clinic was so boring. Thatchery hated when he got assigned to work there. He just couldn't wait to take the G.O.A.T. next month so that maybe he could get away from there forever. Well, at least so he only had to go in for his yearly checkups.

His dad had stepped out for a few minutes, leaving Thatchery alone and in charge of the clinic. He was flipping through a medical magazine, bored out of his mind and hoping for someone to come in, even Beatrice, to distract him.

It was then that Freddie stumbled in, his nose bloody and his eye blackening. Thatchery saw him through the office window and he hurried into the room.

"Freddie?"

"Your dad here?"

Thatchery shook his head. "He stepped out. What happened?"

"Butch."

Thatchery didn't need to know anything else. He sat Freddie down on a cot and grabbed a roll of gauze. He examined Freddie's nose, gently touching the bloodied skin and turning his head this way and that. Freddie cried out when he touched the bridge, crooked now by Butch's hand.

"I have to reset it."

Freddie was clenching his teeth. "Do it."

He shouted when Thatchery moved the cartilage back into place with a quick _snap!_ He let Thatchery press a wad of gauze to his nose to catch the blood before it could fall to his jumpsuit or the floor.

"Hold this," Thatchery said. He waited until Freddie grabbed hold of the bandages to move away for a Stimpak. "Uh, it'll be good as new with this! I-I think..."

"You better be right! I don't wanna try explaining this my mom!"

"I'm not the doctor! I don't know if it'll set it right!"

"Just do it!"

Thatchery carefully pushed the needle into the side of Freddie's nose. He injected at least half of the Stimpak and removed it. Honestly, he had no idea if it would work or not.

The wound stitched shut, the open wound closing itself and stopping the flow of blood. It was only slightly crooked and there was a barely-there white line where the skin had been split open, but it mended. Thatchery was relieved. Freddie's mom would have yelled at him too for not being able to properly mend it.

Thatchery dampened a clean rag and carefully wiped away the drying blood. Freddie held himself still, his eyes closed. He'd pulled the gauze away from his nostrils, which were no longer leaking blood, the bloodied cloth clutched in his hand.

"There," Thatchery murmured. He was suddenly really aware of how close their faces were. "I don't think your mom will be able to tell that Butch broke it."

"Thanks." One of Freddie's hands found its way up to Thatchery's face and he smiled softly. His thumb swept across Thatchery's cheekbone. "You'd make a good doctor if your G O.A.T. says so."

"Yeah? Even though you complained before I even tried to set it?"

"Yeah."

Thatchery let Freddie kiss him gently. He let his own hands fall to Freddie's thighs to be able to push himself up to meet Freddie's lips. Freddie was too much taller than him even though they weren't quite sixteen yet. He wondered if he was ever going to hit his own growth spurt or if he would always be shorter than the other kids.

"I'll see you for dinner?"

Thatchery wished they didn't have to part just yet, but he understood the consequences of getting caught. "Yeah. Don't break your nose again, nerd."

"Hey, you're the nerd!" Freddie playfully pushed him. "Don't call me a nerd!"

Thatchery snorted and pushed him back. "Fine, geek."

"Twerp."

"Book worm."

"You're the one who's always got his nose in a book, Thatch."

The door hissed open and the smiles melted off of their faces. Thatchery pretended to be examining Freddie's nose again. Their faces were still flushed.

"What are you boys doing?"

Thatchery pretended that he just now noticed his father and he turned to look at him. "Freddie came in with a bloody nose." He turned back to Freddie. "You're fine."

"Thanks Thatch." Freddie hopped off of the gurney. "I'll see you around?"

"Yeah."

James put a hand on Thatchery's shoulder. "I'm proud of you, pal."

Thatchery felt himself frown. "For what?"

"The man you're turning out to be. Even if your G.O.A.T. says you're going to be a... a _garbage burner_ , I'll still be proud of you."

He left Thatchery with a queasy feeling in his gut. That wasn't comforting to hear just a month away from the Big Test. A garbage burner? Why not just toss himself into the incinerator right now? Get it all over with before it begins?

He would just have to distract himself with the thought of dinner later with Freddie and Amata. Yeah, okay. That was better than thinking about his G.O.A.T. results turning out to say he would be burning garbage for the rest of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated!
> 
> This is my [tumblr](http://almosthuman-butnotquite.tumblr.com), for anyone who is feeling brave. Don't be afraid to hit me up; I don't bite hard!


	4. Play the Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But haven't they already?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyyyyyyy tomorrow I check out of my classes, so I should be around a lot more now.

The G.O.A.T. wasn't so bad. Jukebox Technician wasn't so bad. They didn't have one anymore, and Thatchery knew enough about those old things that taking over old Joe Palmer's post — may he rest in peace — would be no biggie. He was excited, ecstatic even, to finally have something steady instead of the spotty chores the overseer had tasked him and all of his classmates with.

Amata grabbed his arm when she exited the classroom. Thatchery had been waiting outside for her and Freddie, who was taking a thousand years to finish up. But Amata didn't know he was waiting on Freddie too.

"Come on, I'm starving."

Thatchery glanced back into the classroom, at Freddie. He wasn't about to finish any time soon. "Yeah, all right."

Amata playfully bumped his hips with hers. "So, Mister Jukebox Technician, are you excited?"

"Yeah. I hated all those small jobs we had." He put his arm around her shoulders. She was just small enough that it wasn't awkward. "And what about you, Miss Supervisor?"

"Oh, ha ha. You get to be excited, not me."

"Not what you wanted, then?"

"No, but what choice do I have?" They slid into one of the booths in the nearly empty diner. "It's not like I could just tell my dad, 'Hey, I know what the G.O.A.T. says, but I don't think the supervisory track is right for me.'"

"Fair enough. I'm just glad I didn't get stuck with Laundry Cannon Operator or Waste Management Specialist."

"Fair enough," she echoed.

The diner started filling up with other students. The Tunnel Snakes were not among them. They were probably out ruining someone else's day. Good. Thatchery and Amata were frustrated enough already.

Freddie came in after everyone else had already ordered their lunches. He looked frustrated and upset as he flopped into the booth. He stole a piece of Thatchery's Salisbury steak from the blond's fork.

"Everything all right?"

Freddie glared at Amata as if she'd just killed his pet and she still had the audacity to ask how it was doing. "No."

"Well, what were your results?"

"Security."

"That's not so bad," Thatchery said.

"It is. I don't wanna be a snitch. I don't want to report to the overseer."

"My father isn't that bad."

Thatchery grimaced. "No offense, Motts, but he is." He grabbed Freddie's hand where it was on the seat. Freddie didn't jerk away. "Look, Freddie, it's fine. We all got shit jobs."

"Not you," he muttered petulantly, like a small child. He curled his fingers around Thatchery's. "You get to be a jukebox technician. A lot of people would be jealous of you."

"I'm sorry."

Amata's nose wrinkled. "Why are you sorry? You didn't try and get something better than us."

"I was honestly just trying for anything but Waste Management Specialist or Laundry Cannon Operator. Dad said my mom would haunt him if her only child became a garbage burner."

The thought of becoming a garbage burner was almost like the threat of the pre-war boogieman. It was supposed to scare children into doing what they were supposed to. It was effective, at least. Too bad reporting to Amata's dad was bad too.

"But hey, security won't be so bad," Thatchery said. "You can cover for me when I break the rules."

"No, Thatchery," Amata said sternly. "You're not breaking any rules. And Freddie won't cover for you. Right, Freddie?" Ever the responsible one.

"Gee, I dunno, Amata. I might." He looked at Thatchery. "But it doesn't give you a free pass, T. You can't fuck around every day and expect me to let you off. I could end up in serious trouble."

Thatchery laughed. "Nothing's even happened yet."

Amata glanced at her Pip-Boy. "Oh gee!" she exclaimed. "Sorry you guys," she said as she started stuffing her lunch in her mouth. "I have to go. I'll see you later!" She was running down the hall, leaving them both alone.

"You think we'll still see each other a whole lot after we've started full time work?"

Thatchery shrugged. "I don't know. I hope so."

Freddie finally pulled his hand away from Thatchery's, if only to finish Thatchery's lunch. It was probably getting cold. It was fine; Thatchery wasn't hungry to begin with.

He hoped they wouldn't drift apart when they finished classes. But haven't they already? Freddie's already drifting away from him, lost in the choppy waters of his own indecision. And there was Thatchery, standing on dry land and calling out helplessly to him.

They were already losing each other. It was already too late for them. Perhaps they should cut their losses and part ways before either of them were in too deep, before they hurt each other too badly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I watched Outsiders the other day, so I'm in this weird funk where I stick sixties words into everything. "Gee" and "swell" are among my favorites.
> 
>  
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated!
> 
> This is my [tumblr](http://almosthuman-butnotquite.tumblr.com), for anyone who is feeling brave. Don't be afraid to hit me up; I don't bite hard!


	5. We Didn't Want to Get Older

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When were they going to be done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! It's been a while, but I'm still here! I just haven't had much inspiration lately and the worst writer's block I think I've ever had. So I'm sorry about that.

They still had classes to take. They had to finish up the basics that every vault dweller would need before they began their career training. Brotch sympathized with their groans and complaints, but he said he couldn't change it. It was what they had to do, what they all had to do, ever since the very first overseer of Vault 101.

Thatchery glanced across the room at Freddie. He was folding a scrap of paper up into shapes. He'd given Thatchery a small bird once and said it was origami. Thatchery had no idea what that was, but the bird was sitting on the dresser in his bedroom.

"Who can tell me what this is?"

Who was even paying attention?

Christine said something. Brotch said something in response. Butch made some snide remark that made half the class laugh and Brotch sigh in annoyance. Thatchery had been through the same routine every day for years now. When were they going to be done?

"That concludes today's class," Brotch said wearily.

Everyone moved almost as one; Butch and his friends shoved their way past everyone else out the door, Christine and Susie left afterward, talking about some guy Stevie's age, and Amata and Thatchery last. Freddie hadn't seemed to have even noticed that class had ended. He was still folding up the same piece of paper as before, his tongue poking out between his lips.

"Freddie," Brotch said.

Freddie looked up at him. "Yeah?"

"You can go now."

Freddie grabbed his scraps of paper and stuck his pencil behind his ear. He caught up with Amata and Thatchery at the door where they were waiting for him. He was still folding the paper as he walked beside them.

"When do you think we start working?" Amata asked eagerly.

"Better be soon. I'm tired of going to class already."

"Thatchery, you've been tired of going to class since third grade," she said.

"So what? I just want to start our stupid careers already."

"Hey, uh, T," Freddie started. "I thought you were excited to be working with the jukeboxes?"

Thatchery glanced up at him. "I am, but it doesn't mean it's not stupid. It's a dead end career, you know? We don't get to pick it, so it's not something we're guaranteed to enjoy. We don't even get to work with people we like."

"You're depressing me," Freddie said.

Amata bobbed her head in agreement. "Yeah. Come on, look on the brightside. We get away from the Tunnel Snakes."

"Yeah, unless you want a haircut," Thatchery muttered.

"Speaking of haircuts, when are you gonna cut your hair?"

Thatchery snorted. "You're funny, Freddie. I'm not going to cut it. It pisses off my old man and the overseer."

Amata wrinkled her nose. "That's why you keep it long?"

"Well, I like it," Freddie said.

Thatchery dug his elbow into Freddie's ribs. "I happen to like it long, Motts."

"Yeah, you like when I pull it," Freddie said, quiet so Amata wouldn't hear.

"I'm going to fuck you up later, Freddie. Shut up."

"What are you two whispering about?"

Thatchery smiled sweetly. "Nothing, Amata. Just how Freddie wishes he could have my hair."

"Not even."

Amata glanced at her Pip-Boy. "Oh gees! Is that really the time?" She looked at the two of them. "I really wish I could eat lunch with you guys, but I have to go. I'll catch up with you later!"

"Why's she always gotta leave?"

"You're asking me this? I mean, look who her dad is."

Freddie pressed the paper into Thatchery's hand. It was a small flower; a lotus, Thatchery thought briefly. "Fair enough."

Thatchery carefully tucked the flower into his pocket. "So, instead of food, do you wanna poke around in some old storage rooms?"

Freddie smiled brightly at him. He threw an arm around Thatchery's shoulders. "Duh."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my [tumblr](http://almosthuman-butnotquite.tumblr.com), for anyone who is feeling brave. Don't be afraid to hit me up; I don't bite hard!


	6. Sinking Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freddie was slipping away from him. Thatchery could feel it. He lost sleep over it, late at night. He wasn't ready for it. He wasn't ready to grow up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I make myself sad every time I work on this story. I'm sorry to everyone reading. I mean, to Thatchery and Freddie too, but whatever.

Freddie was slipping away from him. Thatchery could feel it. He lost sleep over it, late at night. He wasn't ready for it. He wasn't ready to grow up.

They were all supposed to start training for their careers, despite still having classes. Their free time was now supposed to be almost exclusively for training. For those with a mentor, that was easy. For Thatchery, it wasn't. He hadn't bothered looking for the manuals he needed, which meant he didn't start his training. Since he wasn't training, all he did with his time was think. It was mostly about his relationship with Freddie.

Thatchery slept as late as he could Saturday morning. He didn't fall asleep until the wee hours of the morning, when the light was cycling to the daytime brightness. At least he hadn't been crying.

There was a knock on the door just before it slid open. "Son?" Thatchery wanted to pretend he hadn't just been woken up. "Pal? Are you all right?"

"I'm tired," he groaned.

"You've been exhausted often lately. Are you feeling all right?"

Thatchery never wanted to talk to his father about anything that was going on. He always looked at it from a clinical point of view instead of from a parent's. He didn't want to discuss his fears, his worries. He didn't want to talk about the sinking feeling he felt when he thought of Freddie.

"I didn't sleep last night," he admitted, rather reluctantly. "The climate system is probably malfunctioning again."

"It has been on the fritz." James sighed. "I'm going to the clinic. You get some rest now."

"Thanks Dad."

The door hissed shut and Thatchery let out a sigh. He was so fucking tired. If he was lucky, maybe no one would come by looking for him.  


* * *

"Thatchery?" There was a knock. "T? You up?"

Thatchery pulled the blankets up over his face. No no no no no. He didn't want to talk to Freddie. Not now.

The door slid open with a hiss of pressurized air. "T, you can't stay in bed all day." When Thatchery didn't answer, Freddie sat on the bed, in the space Thatchery's body made where he was curled. Freddie pulled the covers back and slid his fingers into Thatchery's hair. "Why are you still in bed?"

"Didn't sleep," he grumbled. He pressed his face further into the pillow.

"You don't wanna get up then? We could try to find some beer in one of the store rooms."

Thatchery swatted Freddie's hand away. "Fuck off, man. You're the reason I don't sleep anymore."

"What did I do?"

"It's what you aren't doing," he snapped.

Freddie stared at him for a while. His hand still hovered above Thatchery's shoulder. "T, you gotta help me out here. I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Of course you don't. You never understand what I'm talking about."

His hand disappeared. "You don't have to be an asshole, T. Shit, I want to know what's eating at you because I care."

Thatchery sat up and pushed the covers away. "Look, I lose sleep over you. Over us." He felt suddenly nervous saying that out loud. He started twisting the blanket between his fingers. "I'm not naïve enough to think that this is gonna last forever, but I don't think I'm ready to... I dunno, to let go, I guess."

Freddie cupped Thatchery's cheek. "I didn't know you felt this way, T."

Thatchery chuckled softly, a little sad and rueful. He lifted his eyes to meet Freddie's and they were wet. He could feel it. "What, you thought this was just for fun?"

"Well, yeah."

Thatchery snorted. "We'd'a done more if it was, Freddie. You know that as well as I do."

Freddie laughed, leaning forward to kiss Thatchery. "Yeah, maybe you're right." Another kiss, gentler. "So, what now? You wanna call me your boyfriend?"

Thatchery punched him in the chest. "I'm not a girl, Freddie. I don't need that, not like Susie or Christine. I just... Maybe we could share the same bed more often or eat in the diner. Just enough that maybe we won't drift apart just yet."

"But not enough that the overseer catches us."

"Exactly."

Freddie kissed him again. "Budge over, will ya? I don't have to be anywhere for a couple of hours."

Thatchery wasn't naïve enough to think that Freddie wasn't still going to drift away from him. The moment Butch gave him an opportunity to join the Tunnel Snakes, he would forget Thatchery's name faster than he could even say Tunnel Snakes. That was the part that truly frightened him, that truly kept him awake at night. But he wasn't about to say anything like that. He didn't want to upset Freddie or himself.

But where was the harm in this? In continuing this... this thing they had going? They weren't going to be paired off just yet, not until they adjusted well to their careers. They still had time to be innocent teenagers, just innocent enough that the overseer wouldn't look twice at them. Maybe no one would look twice.  


* * *

Thatchery woke Freddie up. The latter had fallen asleep earlier, but he'd mentioned having to be somewhere. So Thatchery woke him up around noon lest they both be scolded by Freddie's mother Pepper.

"Hey, am I gonna see you later?" Freddie asked as he pulled his boots back on.

"I dunno. I have to find some jukebox manuals sometime today to start studying."

"You mean you haven't yet?"

Thatchery shrugged and grabbed a clean jumpsuit from his dresser. "It's not like old Mr. Palmer is here to teach me. No one's pushing me to do it."

Freddie opened his mouth to say something else, but seemed to think better of it. He zipped his jumpsuit up the way he had it when he'd come over. "You know the overseer will be checking in."

"Let him. It's not hard to feign intelligence. He doesn't even know much."

"Don't say that in the halls."

"Thanks, Officer Gomez."

Freddie's nose wrinkled. "Don't start calling me that."

It dawned on him, suddenly, that Freddie was afraid of turning into his father. To be fair, they all were. Hell, Thatchery was ridiculously relieved to not be slated for clinic work.

"Sorry."

Freddie sighed softly and dropped his gaze to the floor, to his unlaced boots. "It's... It's fine. You didn't mean anything by it."

"I'm scared too," he whispered, but he didn't say of what. He knew Freddie would understand.

Freddie sat on the edge of the bed to start lacing up his boots. "I hate how well you can read me. Has it always been this way?"

He sat beside Freddie, close enough that Freddie's elbow tucked into his side while he tied his laces. "Maybe not always. Since we were about ten."

Freddie glanced up at him. "The worst thing about you is your eyes," he whispered. "I could get lost in them." He leaned forward to kiss him, so soft, as if he was afraid he would break Thatchery. "I gotta go."

Thatchery swallowed. "I, uh... I'll see you later?"

A hopeful grin broke across Freddie's face. "If I'm lucky."

Freddie closed the door behind himself, even though Thatchery intended on leaving his room as well. But he still had to put his own boots on properly.

Maybe they wouldn't be growing up just yet, growing apart just yet. A little longer and they would. Thatchery could feel it in his bones, in his heart. They weren't meant to be and that was okay. But he wasn't ready yet, not if it meant losing someone he cared about. He wasn't prepared to handle it emotionally.

In any case, Freddie's smile brightened his day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [It's-a me!](http://almosthuman-butnotquite.tumblr.com)


	7. Never Ask a Question You Cannot Ask Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thatchery curled into him and eventually drifted off. But Freddie didn't. He couldn't sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's been a while. I've been swamped with college junk, but I've slowly been working on this and other stuff. I'll try and post more stuff soon.

Freddie hated to find Thatchery holed up in his room. He'd started that habit after they'd taken the G.O.A.T., after they were supposed to start their training. It wasn't healthy. If he was the one doing it, his mother would take him back to the clinic to see Dr. Higgins again for another diagnosis.

Truth was, Freddie didn't sleep much either. But he still got out of bed in the morning despite averaging three hours of sleep a night, despite not wanting to talk to his parents, despite not wanting to see the bleak walls of the vault. He had to. He had to or his mother would drag him to the clinic once again. He didn't want more pills.

Amata grabbed his arm in the hallway when he was on his way to the Higgins' apartment. He had wanted to be alone with Thatchery, to sort some things out, to try and finally get some things off of his chest. He would have to find some time later. "Hey, have you seen Thatchery?"

"No. Did you try his room?"

"Yeah."

"Reactor?"

Amata hesitated. "I thought he'd be with you."

It hit him suddenly that maybe they weren't as secretive as they'd hoped. Either that or Thatchery told her about them, about the late nights spent together. Dammit. They'd have to be more careful. They could get in some serious trouble with the overseer. Not that Amata would tattle. Of anyone, she was the least likely to tattle.

She was still staring at him, worry spread over her face. That would age her prematurely, though Freddie was certain that she would still be gorgeous. She was the gem of the vault. The other kids were too stubborn and cruel to see that.

Freddie blinked down at her. "No. I haven't seen him in a couple of days."

Amata finally dropped his arm, wiped her palms on her hips. She sucked in a shaking breath. "Reactor, then?"

They went down to the reactor level together. The door to the cramped, secret shooting range was shut tight. Freddie could hear no shots when he pressed his ear to the seam of the door. But Thatchery could still be inside.

Thatchery was sitting inside with books spread before him on a crate that he was using as a table. He had moved a smaller crate over and was sitting on it, a pencil clenched between his teeth as he read. He was concentrating hard enough that he didn't even hear the door open.

"T?"

Thatchery started, nearly knocking one of his books down as he turned. "Shit, Freddie. Don't do that."

Freddie pulled the door shut behind Amata. "We didn't see you all day," Amata said. "We were worried."

"Sorry. I was trying to find a quiet place to study. I have a lot of catching up to do."

"Catching up?"

"He hasn't been studying like the rest of us," Freddie sighed.

Amata's face contorted. She looked as though Thatchery had personally offended her. She picked up one of his notebooks, flicking through the pages. It was full of notes; common problems, circuitry issues, power failures in the fuses. "I thought you were catching up?"

"I am. I filled that damn thing last night."

"Thatchery, you're ahead!" she said, excited. "This is more than I've done!"

"Really?" Thatchery looked at his Pip-Boy. "I've been in here longer than I thought, I guess." He stretched on the crate. "Why were you guys looking for me?"

Amata placed his notebook on top of a stack of books. "Well, it's your birthday in a few weeks, isn't it? We need to find out what you want!"

"Besides, it's about time for dinner," Freddie said, glancing at his Pip-Boy. "Have you even eaten all day?"

Thatchery pulled a face, like he was thinking. "No, I haven't." He got up, shutting his textbooks, and pushed the door open. "Come on. Let's go get some food."

"What do you want for your birthday?" Amata asked, bounding ahead of them both.

She was a fireball of excitement lately, likely due to the real work they were starting. She had always hated those odd jobs the overseer had assigned them all before they were eligible for the G.O.A.T. But Freddie could find nothing exciting in a career beneath her father's thumb. He could find nothing exciting in growing up.

"I don't know, Motts. Maybe a comic book? Or a new catcher's mitt. Mine's fraying."

"Oh, do I have the perfect gift for you, then."

The diner was empty when they got there. Andy was busy cleaning a corner booth, but he perked up when they sat down.

"Hello there!" Andy was cheery as he produced a pen and a notepad from seemingly nowhere. "How are you today?"

"We're great!" Amata said, but she shouldn't have spoken for all of them. Freddie never said he was fine.

"Might I take your orders?"

Amata ordered herself a bowl of noodles and a bottle of water, but Thatchery wanted Sugar Bombs and a Nuka-Cola. Freddie didn't feel up to eating. He felt sick.

"You're not hungry?" Thatchery asked.

"You're the one who suggested we drag him here," Amata remarked.

"Can I just get a water?" he asked Andy. He didn't have to tell them why he didn't feel well.

"Of course!" Andy handed him a cold bottle before he floated away, hovering behind the counter as he prepared their orders. He hummed quietly with the melody on the jukebox.

Thatchery settled back in the booth. "So, how is studying under the man, you two?"

"It's terrible," Freddie said, at the same time that Amata said, "It's okay."

Thatchery chuckled softly. "One of you is right."

"It really isn't that bad," Amata said with a frown.

Freddie groaned. She was always so optimistic. "You're his daughter, Amata. Of course it isn't that bad for you."

"What is your problem?" she demanded. "Why are you so damn _sour_ about it?"

Freddie scraped his blunt nail over a word, 'freedom', carved into the table. Freedom was only the fevered dream of those before them. "I don't want to be my father," he whispered. He wasn't looking at either of them.

Thatchery's boot bumped Freddie's shin underneath the table. He was looking at him like he wanted to say something that he couldn't say here.

"I don't either," Amata replied, her voice soft. "I think we don't have to be. As long as who we are now doesn't fit their mold down the road, we won't become them. We can do things differently than the way they have."

"Is that enough? What if it doesn't change anything? What if we're destined to be exact copies of our parents, doomed to repeat their mistakes?"

Thatchery shook his head, his curls bouncing. He was looking at Freddie still. "I think we're too different. I don't think we could become our parents."

"We _aren't_ our parents," Amata said. She was firm this time. Maybe she believed it. Freddie thought she was either naive or hopeful.  


* * *

Thatchery told Freddie that night that he didn't want anything for his birthday. Sure, seventeen was a pretty important birthday in the vault, but he didn't care about it. He said that he already had everything he wanted.

"Everything?"

"Well, my mom, I guess, but no one can bring her back." He rolled over and straddled Freddie, his thighs on either side of Freddie's waist. "Did I ever tell you what I wanted for my tenth birthday?"

"I don't think so."

"Well, Amata made me guess what she had gotten me. I, uh..." He laughed. "I asked if she had gotten me a date with you and she made a noise of disgust."

Freddie laughed too. "Really?"

"Yeah. But I mean, I was serious. I had the worst crush on you when we were kids."

Freddie felt the smile melt from his face and he dropped his gaze from Thatchery's. He looked instead at his hands curled loosely around Thatchery's waist. "Hey, uh, I've been thinking..."

"About?"

He sighed, long and slow. He could feel Thatchery looking hard at him. "We're _not_ kids anymore," he said. He pushed Thatchery's shirt up idly. "This has to end sometime, doesn't it?"

"Yeah," Thatchery murmured. He twisted Freddie's shirt between his fingers. "But it doesn't have to yet, does it? We aren't grown up yet. We're not old enough to be married off yet."

Freddie rubbed slowly along a small scar above Thatchery's hipbone. "A couple years," he mumbled. His throat felt tight, his chest too. "I don't... I-I like you, T, I do. A lot. It feels weird to think about being with someone else, having someone else sitting where you are."

"It won't come to that, will it? This is... It's different, I think, for us." He tucked an errant curl behind his ear. He licked his lips and God, Freddie really wanted to kiss him. But maybe now wasn't the time. "I think Amata was right. We aren't our parents and we never will be, not if we don't change."

"Everyone changes, T."

Thatchery's face contorted and he dropped his gaze. Freddie wanted to take those words back, if only to erase the sadness from Thatchery and himself. Thatchery curled into him and eventually drifted off. But Freddie didn't. He couldn't sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are still appreciated!
> 
>  
> 
> [It's-a me!](http://almosthuman-butnotquite.tumblr.com)

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated.


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